Scott Roche: This Wonderful Man

Let me tell you about a wonderful man.  This man has a heart that desperately loves those marginalized by others.  He desires to create a community where all people are valued and celebrated as God's handiwork. He does not let differences in beliefs, values, or opinions stand in his way of demonstrating how the human condition is characterized by a search for belonging. He uses his gift of writing to feature unlikely heroes seeking what we all do - love and acceptance.

He is a man with a great sense of humor.  He loves to laugh and be silly.  He draws people in with a broad smile, twinkling eyes, and an incredible left eyebrow arch. (That's how he caught my heart 💘)

He has a sensitive side that sneaks out when you least expect it.  He has a soft spot for babies and puppies, not necessarily in that order. He has patience with them that I could only dream of. His grace abounds.  And, you've never seen sexy until you've seen a burly, bearded, kilted man cuddling and cooing to a baby!

He is a courageous man who acknowledges his own identity and championing others to celebrate theirs in a culture where different is often seen as wrong.  He has confidence that Christ on the cross and resurrected to glory is greater than the differences that threaten to separate people.

He is an honorable promise keeper, owning his failures and striving to improve. He has been faithful in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer, in better times and in times of seeming endless struggle. (Ask him to tell you his story, our story. You might agree that he has done what many men might not. You might also agree that I owe him debts that I can never repay. I do and I can't; but, he has shown me grace upon grace.)

He is a seeker of what is good, beautiful, positive, and redemptive in a world of sin, decay, and destruction. He presumes little, seeks understanding, and finds things to love in most. (Hey, no one is perfect:-)) I know he does this because I am living proof.  I can say with confidence that recently he has had to look very deeply to find much good in me.

Why do I share this with the world? Because, I want him to know and the world to know that he is wonderful. For most of our marriage I have not been his cheerleader. My fear, cynacism, legalism, and pessimism have seeped, and at times poured out over him, tormenting him, isolating him, and quenching the twinkle from his eye.

Why do I share this with the world? Because, I am on a journey of discovery, a new discovery of my husband and a new discovery of myself. I'm devastated to learn and shamed by the knowledge that most of what makes my husband wonderful is missing in me. I have actively and passively fought against him.  All the time thinking it was him who needed to change.

He is not perfect, nor will he be this side of Heaven.  But, his change is no longer my prayer. He is wonderful right now, today. He will be wonderful tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. For he is a masterpiece still being created daily by God.  My prayer is for my change - radical, upending, life-altering change.

He told me last night that I am and always have been selfish. (We were in a safe place with wise counsel.) He is right. I am and I have been. I have masked it in legalism, a suffocating weight of shoulds and should nots.  I wear a costume of Christianity hiding, not so well, my hypocrisy of loving the rules, but not being ruled by love.  Instead, I have wanted him to love the "right" way, my way. And, truthfully, to love only me. This...this has crushed my husband and nearly ruined our marriage.

And this...this is why my husband is wonderful.  He is ruled by love.  He blesses others because he loves them, He blesses me because he loves me.  My husband is a lover learning how to love more everyday.

I want to be like him.

That's what he needs to know; and maybe, just maybe, someone else, struggling  like we are, needs to know it too.